Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
