you mean i was at the winter classic?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
