Where did you get a picture of my penis
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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