I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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