i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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