I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
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Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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