So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.