I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.