Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out