dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.