his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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