I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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