Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize