make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
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College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize