I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize