epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Come see our sink grown plant.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
