i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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