dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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