I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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