I am full of burrito and curiosity
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
