I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
