I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
