you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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