the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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