Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize