You work out of a Hotel?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
