sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there was a trapeze. enough said
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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