Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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