So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"