I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016