I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.