that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
