I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
