i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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