if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I puked a lego.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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