Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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