She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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