in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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