...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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