Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
