So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
