All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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