i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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