In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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