We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
