Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's Friday. Sex?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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