just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize