There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
