he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
