You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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