I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
