week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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