So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
third nipple confirmed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
