I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
