ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house