I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.