: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..