My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
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I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.