I wannas sexs uuuuu
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.